One of the things that has happened during this pandemic is that I - and all of us - have had to make a lot of difficult decisions in all parts of life. My choir life has been the most changed since this all started. From cancelling everything in the spring, to trying to navigate new research, to adjusting to new realities, and readjusting to changing circumstances, there have been many tough calls to make.
However, when we look at it, many of these decisions aren’t actually that difficult. They are actually very easy decisions to make. If we care about the health and wellbeing of our choir members and our colleagues, then deciding to cancel a concert or gathering in person out of concern for keeping everyone healthy is very easy.
The difficult part is our own emotions about the cancelling, the changing, the waiting, the hibernating, the pausing. For me, I feel a lot of disappointment. And anger that my grand plans are on hold (and why did I wait so long to get them going in the first place?). And sadness that so many people are missing their communities, their income, their passion, their anchor. And right now, I’m wondering if I’m ‘giving up’ by not trying to run a choir virtually.
On the other hand, perhaps some things are worth waiting for. When we can hold a potluck to celebrate a concert (not to mention all the rehearsals leading up to it), it will be the best meal. That day when I can get up in front of a gathered Beer Choir Sing-Along Messiah and conduct the Hallelujah Chorus will be like no other performance of that piece.
Then again, maybe things will never go back to how they were, and I’ll just have to reimagine everything anyway, so why not get a head start. To be honest, I’ve been unmotivated to do much thinking or innovating about choir in the past number of months. I am continually amazed by colleagues who have such wonderful vision and innovative ideas, but I haven’t got there yet.
I feel that shifting, though. I want to get back to sharing what I love about choir, and I think writing is going to be my way forward right now. If I can’t get up in front of a choir and show you in rehearsal, well, I can at least post it on the internet!
To all my friends, colleagues, teachers, conductors, singers, composers, accompanists, administrators: You are doing so well. Whatever you’re able to do right now, with the resources you have, is enough. You have made difficult easy decisions already, and there will be more in the future. But we are a strong community, and we will come out singing.